Sunday, December 16, 2007

structure

I told a friend recently that I'm sick of structure. I don't really know what this means, per se, but I've discovered that I am a very structured person with ideas about how things should go in life and, after this latest season, I've decided I'm ready to be done with it. Mostly this just means I don't feel like going to church much but really it translates into something deeper: I kind of want to test this 'grace' thing out.

I feel my faith is like a large, rambling house - something I inherited but something with a lot of sentimental value that I have no intentions of ever giving away. And in this house are lots of things - items that make the house home. These things, in my house of faith, represent ideas or concepts that make my faith what it is. Just as my real house is filled with trinkets and treasures that make it, well, home, so my faith-house is filled with notions that define my faith in its most individual sense. So metaphorically, a table could stand for the Resurrection and a picture frame, what the Bible says about homosexuality. A glass vase is the Trinity and the bookshelf, generational sin. What do I really believe about these things? If I take them out of the house, if I put them all out in the front yard and re-examine them, really try to determine if they're important and if I should keep them, does it make my house any less of a house? No. So this is what I've done. Everything went out on the lawn, so to speak, ready to be evaluated and taken back inside to return to its rightful place as a "fundamental truth". Some of it went back before it even hit the grass. Some of it has taken longer. Some of it still remains. This is what I mean when I say I'm sick of structure. The old, structure-loving me (which I confess I have to talk myself out of going back to about every thirty minutes or so) wouldn't have been able to stand having everything out in the front yard, even for a second. That old me wouldn't have even told you any of this. But the new me doesn't see things so structured. Things aren't always black and white. Faith isn't formulaic and neither, naturally, is God. We can't just "figure Him out." We have to dig.

Grace is one incredibly confusing and totally ridiculous concept. I started to consider it the other day. If there's really nothing - absolutely nothing - I can do to earn God's favor, then why in the heck do I do good stuff? Why make "right decisions" or choose not to make "wrong" ones? That's easy. Because ultimately, I care a whole lot about what other people think of my decisions. Not just God. Even if I didn't think God existed, I'd probably still be making "good", moral decisions. There've got to be some atheists out there who'd agree that "not killing" is far more often the best plan. We don't do good to earn anything, really, other than other people's approval and praise. And if we do good so God will see us - well, we're basically as screwed up as you can get, especially if we believe in the God of the Bible. Because the Bible says we don't have to earn God's love. In fact, it says we can't. Jesus took that burden away from us. And that brings me to the next confusing point about grace. If there's nothing we can do to earn God's favor - or His blessing - then why in the heck does He give it? Why do I have a perfectly healthy child sleeping upstairs? Why do I get to drink clean water and sleep in a warm house? If I believe in the God of the Bible, it's not because I did something right. And it's definitely not because I didn't do anything wrong. David gets pretty irritated with this in the Psalms. He talks a lot about how the wicked prosper. Job does, too. I have a feeling Daniel and Esther and Joseph all spent their fair share of time wondering why all their messed up neighbors seemed to walk through life footloose and fancy free. If the wicked prosper, and sometimes the righteous don't, then it makes sense that wickedness doesn't always merit pain and righteousness doesn't always merit gain. And nothing we can do or say will make us more worthy of the latter. God doesn't lavish blessing on those who "do the right thing." If He did, grace wouldn't matter. It wouldn't have any value. If Jesus's blood were simply an asterisk to doing the right thing, then doing the right thing would have at least a little value - and I'd get to take a little credit. And that's exactly what grace won't allow me to do. I don't get to claim any responsibility in my own salvation. And I don't get to claim any responsibility in my blessing

So why do I get them? Love. That's it. He loves me. Unlike me, He has nothing to prove to anyone. Jesus of Nazareth hanging on a cross, dripping in His own blood and sweat and tears, dying a common criminal's torturous death, is evidence enough of that. Jesus born in a barn with farm animals and their dung should have set the stage - our God is not a God concerned with keeping up appearances. No. My blessed life is simply a gift of love.

Someone the other day asked me if I looked back on the day Copeland died with anger. I don't really know why this is true, but it is: for some reason, when I look back on that day, even on all the agonizing days prior to and after her death, I can only see one thing. Love. I look at Copeland's birth and life and feel marked by Love. Marked because it hurt. But marked in remembrance. In the Old Testament, God says, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands" (Isaiah 49:16). As He was marked for Love of us, we shall be marked for love of Him.

The day that Copeland died, the hour the funeral home came and took her body away, was Satanic. It was death-filled and dark and demonic and evil. I could almost hear the clang of swords around me; never in my life had I experienced spiritual warfare in quite the same way. When I look back now, I cannot imagine going through it again without kllling myself. I don't mean to dramatize. I'm being serious.

When I graduated from high school, I walked across a stage and received a diploma for the knowledge I had gained during those four years. If I had to do it again, based on the same standard, I could: the knowledge, once gained, was not lost. I have as much right to that diploma now as I did then. Maybe even moreso. I can tap into that knowledge at a moment's notice and probably pass most of the tests a teacher could hand me. It's no mystery as to why I graduated; it makes perfect sense. The same cannot be said of that night, the night I had to hand my baby daughter over to a total stranger knowing perfectly well I would never, never see her again. I have no idea how I did it. I cannot tap into the strength that I had then, now. I cannot because the strength given to me then was not for now. It was not might or power or even knowledge or wisdom. It was the Holy Spirit. I know this because it is a mystery - a breeze, a breath filling my lungs and causing me to gasp with life when all I wanted was to die. I cannot imagine why I made it through, even now having done so. This is how I know God was there. This is how I know He loved me. This is how I know that blessing doesn't always come in the form of happiness or even, well, what we'd call 'blessing.' My daughter died. She never came back. And I feel loved.

Conor came home tonight with a tattoo on his inner left wrist. Copeland. That's all it says. In small, black letters. Forever traced into his skin, forever a part of him. I told him that the last moment he spends connected to that tattoo will be the first moment he'll spend with Copeland. "I cried when they were putting it on," he told me. I understand. He was marking himself, remembering. "See, I have engraved you...." Paul said that we have [can] have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), if we are believers. Is it possible that part of the purpose in losing my daughter was to think more like Him? Is it possible that what Satan meant to be Satanic, what the world called death, was holy and life-giving? That Jesus just blew the cover off of 'structure'?


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73 comments:

Mandy said...

Wow! I have felt what you describe so perfectly many times and wondered the very same thing about all of this. I think of you often, Boothe, and want you to know that there is a girl in GA who is feeling the same way you are this Christmas season.

Love you,
Mandy

Anonymous said...

That was about the most powerful thing I've read. I cannot even think of any words to write. I think about you and pray for you often.

Rebecca said...

Wow, Boothe. What amazing words.

I, too, think of you often. And of Conor. And of Sellers.

How is Sellers, anyway? What's she up to these days? What does she like to do? Is she freakishly excited about Christmas? And, does she talk about Copeland?

I love you all, and I'm still praying.

Merry Christmas.

Rebecca

Melanie said...

Thank you for putting into words what others who have lost and survived feel. Wow.

Anonymous said...

How torn the rest of us feel that one of OUR biggest blessings (the power of your writings) is the result of such a deep personal loss to someone else. Just like Copeland's pain eventually gave YOU life, your pain is bringing life-giving truth to hundreds of people through this blog. Thank you for your transparent honesty.

Tarah said...

I too have lost a child, 2 years ago on New Years, and the words you write so perfectly describe what I felt and went through in those dark days after Gideon's funeral. Thank you for sharing and being so honest.

My husband also got a tattoo with Gideon’s footprints (he was a preemie) and name Gideon Uriah on it. I love the tattoo! It was neat to hear that your husband got one in memory of Copeland.

I am praying for you and your family.

God Bless,
Tarah

Mandy said...

What a wonderful tribute Conor gave to Copeland! You are right- God intends for death to be holy and life-giving. And don't you know that Satan is stomping his feet at the thought of the believers who get that? This was an amazing post!

Laurie said...

Beautiful and powerful words Boothe. I couldn't help thinking that "you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. You are breaking the chains that have bound you and grace is the way to do it. I love the forever mark of Copeland that Conor has gotten, this is just precious and such a sweet honor to her. I hope Sellers is excited for Christmas and that she is doing good. God Bless you Boothe for always reminding us of how good God is and how much He loves us. Prayers continue for you from here.

Laurie in Ca.

Lyric said...

Your words have captured for me the truth behind the verse that says...

"I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Isreal, who summons you by name."

Isaiah 45.3

Prayers continue for you and yours.

Pam said...

I am still here praying for you all as God continually brings you to mind.

Thank you, Boothe, once again for unearthing questions long buried by so many of us. Thanks, too, for challenging us all to think without even issuing the challenge directly.

I appreciate you for your depth of thought and pondering, if that even makes sense at all.

May your holidays with Sellers be filled with the joys of watching a preschooler and seeing things from her perspective.

You're on my heart, dear Boothe.

Katelyn said...

I am speechless from reading your post. My heart cries out to you.

Connie said...

Wow. Several times while reading that, I got chills, because of the power of your words and the reality of your faith journey. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Praying for you today!

Fern said...

Boothe. You are such a blessing, such a balm to the pain in my life that I no longer have the energy to examine.

Anonymous said...

It's amazing that just at the times I think about you and wonder how you are there is a new post. You are such an incredible expressor of what life is. Thank you for sharing with us...your Christmas card is absoluting breathtaking and is my reminder this year if what Christmas is all about...hope! Love you and hope to see you in the new year...

D'Arcy

Laurin said...

What amazing words. So powerful that I realized as I got to the end of your post that I was holding my breath at the mere magnitude of them. Thank you for sharing them with us and allowing us to continue walk through this journey with you and your family.

Anonymous said...

praying for you guys at Christmastime

miss julie said...

I wish I had the words to say to you what your words mean to me.
Thank you for sharing them...they inspire, encourage and are covered with your love for God.

Because of Jesus

Anonymous said...

Boothe, I almost always cry when I read your blog. Landon and Heather both got tattoos that remind them of Tyler. I had always said I would never want my child to have a tattoo but there is something profoundly moving about their having these tattoos. Your words have expressed my feelings once again. Bernita

Anonymous said...

Always good to read your words.
Jennifer

erin said...

boothe you amaze me. i feel like your blog posts are my daily devotional. i know you have heard this a million times but you need to write a book you are an amazing writer, gifted in your style and your words..thanks for sharing...i hope you know too what an impact you have made on so many lives. i think about you and copeland every night when i rock my sweet baby to sleep and bc of you i am now ok that i do that, no matter what the books say i should and shouldn't do, you have actually impacted a lot of what i do as a mom now.. thank you :)

Jaclyn said...

I really don't know what else to say but thank you.
I think of you and your family every single day.

Emily said...

Bless you, girl. You found the words to describe the day I lost Miller Grace that I've not been able to find. Thank you for that.

I feel loved, too. And that is God.

I'm lifting you up and asking for God to keep giving you strength to sort out all that is on strewn across the lawn in the morning.

Anonymous said...

i am amazed at your ability to paint such vivid pictures with words! thank you for your honesty and your transparency! you have given me much to pray over!! God is using you in the lives of people you won't know this side of heaven!!

Karen said...

Boothe, my friend recently gave me a copy of a book called 'The Shack.' I don't know if you have heard of it or have read it, but I would love to send you a copy. It is very strange in a lot of aspects, but it is theologically sound, but it will test a lot of what you believe! I think it would be great for where you are right now. (I am Southern Baptist, and it was not doctrinely 'wrong' to me, but as I said, it did stretch a lot in my mind -- forcing me to see things from a different, simpler perspective) It has certainly changed my thought patterns, very positively!! It might be too heavy for you right now.

You can get it from Amazon, theshackbook.com, or e-mail me with your address. kl_elliott@yahoo.com

Still praying,
Karen

Sun said...

I have never gone through anything to the degree that you have - but I have hurt and I have been blown to my knees and my heart cried the same questions. Thank you for this blog. I think about you and your precious family all of the time. You have touched my heart through all of this...it seems so lame to say thank you - but I do thank you from the bottom of my heart - for this blog, your honesty, and your pursuit of God. Sunshine

Tracy said...

That was such a great post. I have often wondered why "bad" people are sometimes given a lot in life and why "good" people sometimes struggle and do without. You made things clear for me.
Sometimes, through struggle and hardships, we come out rewarded.

I think the tatoo of Copeland on your husband's wrist is precious. Forever marked...physically. And I like what you said about his last moment with that tatoo will be his first moment with Copeland. What a great ocassion that will be!

Phyllis Williams said...

Yet again, you have blown me away. I would like to leave this for you...

Romans 8:27-29 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)
Public Domain

27And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

28And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

29For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Love & prayers,

Phyl

Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) said...

Boothe,
God continues to use you and Copeland in a mighty way, to reach out to others who are confused and do not know how to think most of the time, let alone what to think. It saddens me that you had to let Copeland go in order to speak to me, but your words that have been given to you through this loss has touched me and hundreds of others in a mighty way. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. I continue to lift you and your family up in my prayers daily.
Kim

Vanessa said...

I envy your calmness and acceptance. My daughter has severe brain damage and it's like the same pain i felt yesterday today...b/c it never gets any better.

According to HIS Power said...

This was so powerful, I have no words to say. Thank you for this, you have no idea how much you have helped me. Praying for your family this Christmas.

Prayers,

Julie

Ashlee said...

Boothe,
Thank you, once again, for your openness to express your feelings in such a powerful way. I appreciate your comments in regards to God's love during your time of tremendous heartache. It spoke to me because I am going through the same heartache after losing London on 9/13. I look back and cringe at the thought of going through all the experiences that we went through during those first hours and days. And you're right...it's God's love and grace that allowed me to keep my sanity and somehow make it through.

I surrendered to the idea of going to a grief counselor/therapist last week, and I actually think she is going to help me tremendously. A book that she recommended is called Life After Loss by Bob Deits. I bought it at Barnes & Noble, and it's truly a wonderful book. It's a simple account of the stages and experiences that one goes through during grief, and I find myself feeling comforted by the words. I recommend it to anyone who is dealing with grief.

I know that the holidays are so tough...at least I have noticed that it's much harder on me than I anticipated, so I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you again for your faithfulness and your willingness to share your heart with others.

God bless,
Ashlee Tomes
Ashlee.Tomes@Hardin.kyschools.us

running wildly said...

This was so amazing. Again, your gift has taken my breath away. It is so true that in those moments of true grief the holy spirit breathes for you. I too have felt that. Incredible love. Makes the poem "footprints" come to life.

Katie and Dan said...

This was so precious to read, Boothe. Your depth and insight into God's inner-workings and the reasoning behind things that don't really seem to have reason constantly amaze me. We are praying for you guys daily. And specifically!!!

Love to you all, Katie and Dan

Betsy said...

You always cause me to refocus my thoughts on my relationship with God. Thanks for being so real.
Betsy in TX

Anonymous said...

Copelandand and Sellers are blessed to have you and Conor as their mommy and daddy, and anyone who comes across your blog is blessed to hear your words. Thank you for sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, fears, emotions with the world.

You may like this new song from Nick Lachey called "Ordinary Day" - it's on iTunes. Here are some of the lyrics:

I wish I could tell you
The things I never got the chance to
I wish I was with you now
To see you smile again
I wish we have more time,
But time goes by so fast
A moment comes and then a moment passes by
In a blink of an eye and If I had one wish

I wouldn't ask for money
I wouldn't ask for fame
I wouldn't ask for the power to
Make this world change
If I could have one thing, that one thing that I would choose,
Is one more ordinary day with you

Hannah E. said...

Thanks for your insight. I so appreciate hearing your heart.

I know there have already been a bunch of book recommendations in these comments, but I wanted to share that Dietrich Bonhoeffer's classic The Cost of Discipleship has really helped me recently in understanding what grace is really about. One of the first chapters is all about cheap grace versus costly grace and really helps answer some of those questions of why we do good things if they don't earn us acceptance by God. I haven't read all of it yet, but so far it's had much to do with the thoughts you've shared here. Thought you might like it, if you haven't read it already.

truth be told. said...

beautiful. this post was amazing. left me full of hope and thirsty to learn more about the Lord. thank you so much!

Anonymous said...

Boothe - I don't really know what to say, but want you to know that I think of you all daily and continue to pray for you. I think about you wondering what you are feeling and how I can best pray for you. Know that I pray that God will lovingly take you on this journey, no matter how hard it may be, and that you will know His perfect love like you never have before. Merry Christmas!
Estelle

Rachelle said...

Amazing words! It's incredible what God has done in your life, through tragedy. What a blessing you are.

Carly said...

Wow! That was incredible. I have no words other than Thank You. What an incredible way to see our Lord. He has given you such a gift, many gifts. We continue to pray for you all.

Kristy said...

After college, I worked in college ministry for a couple of years before I moved on to teaching and marrying a youth minister. We lived a very structured faith life. While our reevaluating faith, grace, God's love, the whole "church" thing, and Christianity in general stemmed from a different origin (getting out of formal ministry), I think the journey has taken us on similar faith paths. In describing your "house," I felt a surge of laughter because I have a few items that have lingered at the front door for awhile now, and as for "church"--thoughts linger as well. Anne Lammott has some intereting ideas on grace in her book, Traveling Mercies. I didn't agree with some of her ideas, but they were refreshing nonetheless.

JMom said...

I continue to be blessed by your words...every time I visit. Thank you for "working out your faith" in a way that is such a testimony!

Shooter said...

Wow is right. All I can say and it is so little is we do not always know for what purpose God is using us. As a new believer in Christ your site and your writing have been a great inspiration to me.

I was blessed with getting to see a little of God's plan in my life. Unfortunately for a dear friend of mine, she lost her baby at 38 weeks, with no real explaination. As a Christian, she struggled as you do with her faith. At the time I was an unbeliever, but I wanted to help her through this time and for the first time in my life, I prayed. Looking back, this event in her life was a major part of my coming to Christ. As her and I discuss that event in light of my salvation, we both shudder and are in awe at the sovereignty of God and that He chose to let us a see just a little glimpse of His plan in that tragic time in her life.

I know that your writing on this site has touched so many people including me and your eloquence about faith, Christ and anger will no doubt help some one else know Him better.

You are an amazing tool in the Lord's hands and I hope that you know that.

courtney said...

Always such a blessing to read your wise and insightful writings. Praying for continued healing and comfort.....

Courtney Nelms Ashburn

Kaylane said...

Unbelievable Boothe. I truly admire your strength and love for God. David and I continue to read your words and think of you often. Know that we love you.

Vanessa said...

Hey boothe, it made me feel better what you said, i guess i was looking for validation of my feelings. I love to read your blogs though sometimes i don't fully understand, i think my "eyes" are not fully open to accepting God's plan...not sure, but thank you and GOd bless you. Your little girl will and has brought so many people closer to God, how amazing!!

Brandi (Angie's friend) said...

Boothe, Your words are so deep and powerful. I really can't imagine all that you are feeling inside. I just wanted to write to let you know that I am still praying for you each day. God bless you, and Merry Christmas!

Jessica said...

Boothe,
Thank you so much for putting your feelings out here for all of us to read. I am a friend of the Luce's, and after losing my own daughter, reading your journey while you had and lost Copeland, and then, watching Angie and Nathan, I am so inspired by my family of believers. Your words speak to my own pain and my own heart, even if the healing process has been underway for 5 years now.
We ARE marked for our lifetime. I love the picture of stones that were used as markers/alters in the Old Testament, this being my favorite:
1 Samuel 7:12
Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us."

This is like your Ebenezar Stone. You KNOW without a shadow of a doubt it was God who carries you through this, and not your own strength. They are noticeable and lifechanging, and, as Oprah calls these times, "Defining Moments".

Love In Christ,
Jessica Fiveash
Near Memphis, TN

Jennisa said...

Merry Christmas, Boothe! I hope you and your family have a spirit filled Christmas! Luv, Jennisa

Phyllis Williams said...

Just wanting to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. In light of your circumstances, the words seem trite. Love and prayers,

Phyllis

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Love,
The Garcia Family
Frank, Renee,
Kassidy, Kameron,
Kennedy & Keeghan

http://www.myspecialks.blogspot.com
http://www.carepages.com site name: KennedyGarcia

Anonymous said...

Thinking of You and Wishing You Peace, Comfort and Joy this Christmas Season! God Bless!
Love~Hugs~Prayers from S.C.
Darline Rollins

crystal varenkamp said...

Boothe-
I just wanted to say hi and let you know that you and your sweet family have been on my mind and heart, and in my prayers. I am praying that you will find and be filled with wonderful moments this week.
Love to you all-
Crystal

Missy said...

I am praying for you during this Christmas season! Enjoy your time with Sellers this year! She will never be this young again! I see as Katie gets older-Christmas changes each year! Still WONDERFUL, just different! Missy

Cole said...

You were beautiful at church today and thanks for sharing how God used you this year and truly helped "deliver" you!
You are amazing, let yourself cry alot..its good for the soul :)

Emily S said...

Boothe,
I am so sorry I did not get to see you at church before Christmas. (Michael told me he saw you) It must have been overwhelming for you, but I hope you felt Love while you were there. And I hope that you and Conor and Sellers had a wonderful Christmas. Hopefully I will see you soon.
Love,
Emily

Laurie said...

Hi Boothe,

Just stopping by to wish you lots of joy and love in this new year. May this year be full of blessings for you and your family as you continue to heal and live forward. I hope your holiday season was as gentle as it could be for you and that you were surrounded with love of family. I continue to pray for you as you keep searching the Lords heart. I am always blessed by your words of wisdom here.

Love and Hugs to you,
Laurie in Ca.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Just checking in to say hello... was thinking of you all today and wanted to let you know we're still praying.
Renee

milehighmom said...

The Lord brought you to my mind tonight and I just wanted to let you know that I continue to pray for you and your family. May 2008 bring you love and peace and joy.

Karen said...

Boothe, I read this awhile back, I would guess the day you posted it. But I wasn't able to really injest it. I did today. Thank you for sharing such raw feelings. Sometimes you seem to contradict yourself. The emotions I assume you must have cannot go with feeling loved. (I am very aware of the foolishness of that statement! Stay with me.) I would think I would be in survival mode, still in a fog, not grasping or retaining any lessons of grace or comfort. I would think I would be out that numbness when Copeland first died, and really feeling the grief, sadness, and enormity of it all. I would be lost. But I can never really say what I would be. I have no idea. There are no rules or timelines for what you are walking through. I read a book about death that said (to apply it to you) that Copeland is not really waiting for you, because that implies time. There is no sense of time in Heaven. She is more anticiapting your arrival. I think that is a spectacular picture.

Mckenzie said...

i have been wondering how you were and wanted to check up on you today. I have read your blog before and have prayed intensely for you and your sweet family... and I check on you today to see that you are getting along as well as expected. I see that you are using your blog to pray for others also. Simply because I know your blog link and wanted to check on you I ended up praying for 2 other families. I read that you, like most of us, seem to struggle with your faith...But what I also see is that you are being used as a tool for Him. I appreciate your words. I appreciate your honesty. Our relationship with the Lord is not about the extreme highs and the extreme lows...it is about the time in between. Thank you for reminding me of that today.

Heinzfeet said...

Wow. It's hard to say much else...wow. It's nice to hear articulated what I've wrestled with inside so many times. God's grace and strength really are just words until you feel the weight and depth and height of His love etching the very meaning of those "words" into the core of your being and lifting you into the realm of the Spirit where only He is real. Thank you, Father, for the agonizing times of life when you are so real. May we not run from them...but to you!

Anonymous said...

just one day at a time sweet Jesus...

juliekeefe said...

Boothe...
thank you for sharing. thank you for helping me see truth.

Anonymous said...

When?

Kathy said...

Dear Boothe ~ I played a song on my blog in memory of your sweet Copeland Fair, and all of the other little ones we lost in 2007. I lost my daughter Madison in 1996, so I know the pain of losing a child. I can't heal your hurt, but music has always ministered to me, and I hope you will stop by, and let it minister to you. I've been visiting here regularly, but don't always comment. Even after losing my own child, I don't always know what to say...hence the reason for playing the song. I continue to pray for you sweet lady.

Love ~ Kathy

Here is the link to the song on my blog. http://www.xanga.com/kamps624/635444236/for-all-the-little-ones-we-lost-in-2007.html

Steph said...

Still praying for you!

Baby Leino said...

You've been on my heart during this holiday season. Having our first Christmas as well without our little one has been difficult & each time I found myself grieving his absence, I was prompted to pray for you as well. This road of grieve is a peculiar one, winding & unexpected at times. Just know that you continue to be prayed for & Copeland, remembered.
::Patience

Katie Arnold said...

I can't tell you how much it puts my life in perspective to read your blog. Your words are very powerful and they always bring tears to my eyes. I don't know how you have been so strong, but I thank you for it.

JUST A MOM said...

I hope all is well.

elizabeth said...

Boothe - We've never met - and probably won't this side of heaven - but my sister is friends with one of your former sorority sisters and she "introduced" us to your family and to Copeland. I've followed your story and been encouraged by your love for God and unwavering desire to honor him with your life. Last Sunday in church, our pastor quoted C.S. Lewis and I immediately thought of you. The quote was "God is the great iconoclast" and refers to how God wants to take our images/idols that we have constructed of who He is or think He should be and how He longs to smash them in order to reveal His true self. The quote reminded me of your journey and I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Oh Boothe... just know you're not forgotten.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you too. Thank you.