Thursday, July 10, 2008

help me with my unbelief...

First of all, I cannot begin this e-mail without saying thank you, thank you, thank you for the prayers I know you are continuing to lift up on our behalf. I have so many times been prompted to pray for someone and found myself distracted and even irritated because I have something else I need to do; I am humbled knowing that so many of you have probably faced those same distractions and still have chosen to stop and pray for Conor, Sellers and I. Thank you.

I will officially be 20 weeks pregnant tomorrow. As many of you know, this marks a significant milestone in any pregnancy. For our family, it's HUGE. On Wednesday, July 16, I will go in for my 20-week ultrasound, the most detailed and extensive one I will have. This is the sonogram where most babies with defects, disease or deformities are diagnosed. This is when we first saw "markers" for Copeland's Trisomy-18. That being said, you can imagine that the appointment next week is a little scary for me.

What you may not be able to imagine - what even I find hard to believe! - is that I feel, strangely, quite peaceful. I don't mean to undermine the Lord's incredible ability to truly give us a peace beyond explanation; I've lived that before, in moments where I should've been out of control with grief or despair. But I can also remember distinctly, months before I ever learned I was pregnant, laying in my bed at night wrestling with feelings of intense anxiety because I could not fathom how I would ever survive a 20-week sonogram again. How would I consciously go into that room - that same room - and remain calm, knowing that so much can go wrong? I felt the Lord tell me then, "Boothe, you aren't going today, so you cannot imagine how you will cope with it today. I will give you what you need when you do go." I have clung to that, and find that He is giving me what I need, even now, six days out. I do feel remarkably restful. And I'm so thankful for that. But I cannot say that I believe that peace means I should forgo asking you all to pray, speciflcally. So here are the requests we would ask you to place before the Father on our behalf for this significant day next week:

1. That the baby would be in a position where the sonographer can see everything she needs to, easily (Copeland was not, which caused a lot of stress).
2. That everything the sonographer is looking for will be present and in perfect health, from the organs and the brain to the heart and the limbs.
3. That the peace Conor and I feel will continue as a constant for us and that we will be carried these next few days as Jesus binds Satan, who seeks to attack us and convince us we are undeserving or unworthy of such a gift.

I wish words were fuller, or weightier, as I present my prayer requests to you. To say that they feel urgent is a vast understatement. My prayers, outside of praying the same things, will also focus on asking the Lord to prompt you to pray, as I know my faith will be stretched greatly in the next few days. I need your faith to sustain mine.

Thank you, again, for loving us and walking with us down this bumpy road. Believe...


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69 comments:

Laurie said...

Dear Boothe,

I am so glad to read your post and know exactly what is on your heart for prayer. You can count on me to continue praying for you and adding these things to my list. I can't imagine the urgency but I am asking the Lord to keep it close in my heart for you. I love you and Conor and Sellers, and I love this new baby He carries in the palm of His hand as it grows perfectly in you. I especially pray that the peace and calm you feel continues to increase moment by moment, and that no anxiety or fear touches your hearts. I am claiming peace and hope for you and this gift you carry. He will bring you through.

Love and Hugs and Prayers, Laurie in Ca.

WY Gramma said...

Boothe,
I am one of those people who check in on you and your family on a very regular basis, but have never met you. Know that strangers are out here praying for you, lifting you up. Know also that you inspire me. You remind me to consider my priorities. You cause me to think, and for that, I would like to thank you. I will be praying for you, for your husband and for Sellers. May your sleep be peaceful, may your waking be joyful, and may you and your baby continue to grow in health.
Joyce

Sandys2girls said...

Dear Boothe,
We will pray for you and your family and this newest blessing. I know that the Lord is watching over this pregnancy and taking special care of you and the baby especially. You're right, your faith will be stretched but you are such an inspiration to me and so many other people.
I pray also that you will feel at peace and feel the Lords love enveloping you.
What a great gift you have been given, another little baby girl! I am so excited for you and I know that all is well with your little one and I pray that on Wednesday you see all the things you want to see on the sonogram to make you feel at peace, I know that God will see to it.
Any names yet?? I still think HOPE is so fitting for this little girl. If I may go as far as saying I think HOPE GRACE would be perfect.
I love you guys,
Sandy in Virginia

Cobblestones said...

Boothe, I am prompted to check on you regularly. I will continue to lift up all these requests before the Lord as He is so good to keep bringing you to our minds. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey. Your faith has served to sharpen mine so many times along the way. I have been privileged to watch you walk this path so humbly, honestly, and faithfully. Thank you.

Judy said...

Sweet Boothe.. Although our struggles have been somewhat different.. I can relate to you so much and I have a healthy baby boy after 4 losses. I can relate to the peace that you feel bc Jesus gave me that same peace as well with my son.. and it came from Him.
However, I will pray for your sonogram and for the sonographer.. I pray that he/she knows the Lord and that the Holy Spirit will begin preparing them and you for that moment when you will see your precious one growing inside of your womb.. Cling to the fact that God made you and that He is knitting that baby just as I type... it is a constant thing ... and God also knows you inside and out and He will watch over you, protect you and give you the desires of your heart.. sometimes it is just a longer wait than others. May God hold you in the palm of his hand as you await and if you can let us know the time of your sonogram so we can pray specifically at that time.
In CHRIST! Judy

KM said...

Boothe, thank you so much for checking in...and giving us a list of the things you need prayer for. I'm so thankful you feel His Perfect peace in this time. Isn't it wonderful in the midst of intense growth that He provides our every need. I think of you often...and am praying over this pregnancy, for your family, and this precious bundle of joy. Will be praying in the coming week and waiting for an joyous update.

Kristi in Texas

Jen said...

Dearest Boothe, of course I will pray for you! I still remember teling Adam (my husband) with so much joy you were pregnant, and his whole face lit up as he said "That's awesome!... How does she feel about it?" I am so grateful, Boothe, that you allow us the privelage of being able to answer that question, to some extent, and give us the specifics to pray for. And it is no trouble, whatsoever. Humbly I allow the Lord to prompt me to prayer for someone other than myself. You are such a blessing, and you remain close to my heart everyday.

Lamere said...

Praying for this Wednesday. Isn't it crazy that God gives us peace amidst terrifying times? I'm so glad you are experiencing that. We will lift up each of your prayer requests this week.
Love, the Peabody family

Terry said...

Dear Boothe,
IM so glad you are doing so well, our prayers for you is that everything will be healthy and you and Connor and Seller can go on and enjoy the peace and happiness that God is giving you a healthy baby girl.
I read you all the time and your on my prayer list at church.
He is there all the time even when you think he isn't.
Blessings, and Prayers, Keep us posted.

Jenny said...

Absolutely praying!

Jill Garcia (Smith) said...

Boothe, praying for you right now, asking the Lord to be gracious to you and your sweet family and for a healthy baby!! Love you all!!

The Curtis Crew said...

Praying for you. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with the blogging world. You are an inspiration to me.

Blessings,
Melissa

sumi said...

I will be praying, Boothe. God is so faithful!

Jody said...

I've just met you today! I am sooooo praying for you! I am walking the road you have walked. I am 23 weeks pregnant with a suspected T13, T18, or Triploid baby. I didn't do the amnio, but they are sure about sure minus that. Our baby has a bunch of the markers and we go to the pediatric cardiologist July 24.
Our world has been crushed, as you know, and I am so sorry you had to go thru this too.
I have no guarantees I'll ever get pregnant again- I've been an infertility patient for years-so this is doubly hard. But if I do, I'm sure I'll be just as anxious as you when it comes time for that 20 week ultrasound.
God bless you and you will be in my prayers.

Love,
Jody Abernathy
www.caringbridge.org/visit/kjab
Our baby's story

Heather said...

Boothe,
Below is an excerpt from a Beth Moore's Bible study. I felt the need to share it with you after your post today. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Thanks for letting us know how to pray.

Christ experienced peace in the midst of tears. Why did Christ Jesus cry? Because He saw the tears of His loved ones (v. 33-35). He “demonstrated His own love” with tears of anguish, yet all the while His peace remained. Please understand this vital point of peace: peace means the absence of fear and turmoil, not the absence of pain and grief. It greatly concerns me when I fail to see those who have lost loved ones shed tears in the name of “peace.” Christ, Himself, grieved over the separation of loved ones as shown here in John 11, in the garden of Gethsemane and, finally, on the cross as He saw His mother’s pain and suffered the separation from His Heavenly Father.
We can be filled with sadness and still possess a wonderful sense of God’s peace. Perhaps it is at that moment beyond all others when the peace of God’s transcends all understanding. God is not a proponent of emotional annihilation. But He gives us specific instructions regarding those emotions.
“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart to Him, for God is our peace.”
love in Christ,
Heather Butler

Ashley said...

Boothe,
Praise God for His peace and I pray that He will continue to carry you and your family through the coming weeks. I will espcially be praying for you for next Wednesday that it will be a day filled with peace and joy.
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7.
Ashley

Tabitha said...

Just wanted you to know that I am and will continue to pray for you and your family. Just keep the faith and keep your eyes on the Lord and he will carry you.

christi28 said...

praying for you and your family.

blessings ~

julie said...

I think that I am nervous for you , so you can go into thar room fear-free I will carry that burdon for you. You will have peace as you walk that walk again and everything is going to be in Gods hands and he is in control. I lost a little girl to trisomy18 in December, so I can imagine how you feel. You are so courageous to do this. I am terrified to face that again. You have inspired me to try and start from the beginning and tell Rabecca's story in a blog. (sweetangelbecca.blogspot) I will pray for you and and pray that Jesus keeeps you and your lovely family in the palm of his hand to protect you from Satan's cloud of worry and heartache.

Hugs and prayers, Julie Lollis

Sheryl said...

Boothe,

I am glad to know specifics of how to be praying for all of you. It's so great to hear how God has been carrying you and giving you a sense of peace. I will ask God to bring you to my mind often so that I will remember to pray. He has been so good to get my focus off of my circumstances and give me a burden to pray for others.

Praying and trusting God,
Sheryl

Abby Euten said...

Your sweet family is in my thoughts and prayers on a daily basis.

Judy said...

Don't you just love how blogging can bring the "body of Christ" together to pray?!! Though I've never met you, know that I am praying for you and that I just specially carried your requests to the Lord!
Blessings,
Judy in PA

Samantha said...

After reading your blog for the first time last week, you have been in my thoughts and prayers frequently. When I read this today, I immediately thought of you...

The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.
Psalms 34: 17-19

Blessings and prayers from AL...

momof4dragons said...

Conor, Boothe, and Sellers, We continue to be part of the ever-growing list of people, friends, family who will be lifting your family up as you go into this next Dr's appt. Know that you're loved and that we're always thinking about you all. Claudia

Elizabeth S said...

You will be in my prayers!!

Kristen said...

Although I haven't met you, I check in with you often and am thrilled to have some specifics to pray for. Father, give this sweet family peace that only you can understand. And I pray for a healthy baby, clean pictures, and that this family will continue to walk in your will, guide them completely on this journey of theirs.

Corey Re' said...

I just want you to know, that though you don't know me...I am praying for you.

Tiffany said...

I'm praying for you and Conor.. thanks so much for specifically telling me how I can pray.
In Christ-- Tiffany

mom22girls said...

Boothe,
The Tillis family is praying for you and Conor now and on the 16th. We will pray specifically for the requests you presented. Thank you, it always helps to have direction in prayer.

The Kahler Family said...

Boothe,
Thank you for the specific requests. I will pray for you in the coming days, and especially on Wednesday as you go to your appointment. I pray that you will feel the Kingdom of the Lord surrounding you.

Megan said...

Boothe,
I stumbled on your blog via Angie's, and though I know neither of you, we are sweet sister's in the Lord! I will be praying for you this week that you experience His peace that surpasses our understanding, and like James 1 says, that you will consider this ultrasound "pure joy." It may seem like a trial, but God is good! Feel free to check out our blog as well.
In Him,
Megan in CA

Monica said...

Boothe, I am recently new to your bolg, and my story of how I came to be here is for a different day, but please know that I am praying for you and your family daily. Blessings, Monica

Keith & Stacey said...

Dear Boothe,

I have been keeping up with your blog for quite some time now, but this is the first time I have commented. I just wanted to let you know that my you and your family are constantly in my prayers. Your strength and faith are so inspiring and I literally cannot wait to read your next update!

Stacey in Alabama

Sun said...

Absolutely will be praying! Sunshine

Anonymous said...

Dear Boothe-

I was happy to have the time to read your blog before I left for work this morning. I so needed to hear your words and have something else to focus on. Thank you for once again openly sharing your heart with us. I will pray for you this week, specifically for the things you asked and then for a special guardian angel to be there to oversee this milestone in your pregnancy. I have a great feeling that the 16th will bring you peace. This is a special day in my life, it would have been my Daddy's 72nd birthday this year. I lost him 6 months ago, so I just know that all will be well and that God will will be there right beside you and Conor.

With much love and many prayers from Bedford, KY - Tina

Jill said...

Dear Sweet Boothe,

I have been carrying you in prayer for a while now and will continue to do so this week - as I am away picking up our 7th daughter from Guatemala.

Know that we are all here for you and cherish what you share with us - the deeper parts that sometimes feel scary and not pretty.

God takes what is not pretty and makes it beautiful!

Hugs and blessings this week!
Jill
www.forevernevernalways1.blogspot.com

Wrights said...

We will pray for your specific requests and that the sonogram day will be one that is full of joy and peace.
nathaniel, rebekah and girls

Karen said...

Boothe,
Still praying...
Karen

Clete & McKenzie said...

Boothe,
I just want you to know that I am praying for your family. I know that this is a cautious time, but I am excited for you :) I also thought of you the other day when I was reading a book, THE SHACK. It is hard to read, and amazing all at the same time. It has truly helped me understand God in a clearer way.

My prayers are with you and your family...

Anonymous said...

I'll be praying for you all! I hope you will update soon after the sonogram...lifting you in prayer, Melinda in VA

{Karla} said...

praying for peace for you.

May the Lord fill your heart with his peace.

xo ~K

Anonymous said...

I only recently found your blog. I too carried a precious baby with Trisomy 18 until his time here was done. Our little Samuel lived outside my womb for about an hour and then went peacefully from his Daddy's arms to the arms of his heavenly Father. The grief was so hard in the months to follow his death however time has made it easier. I now think of my little guy as a sandy haired healthy boy running around the streets of gold. We have since been blessed with three children. A daughter and two sons. And when I say blessed I really mean that! For so long it seemed like my desire to have a family just wasn't happening...not like I had planned anyway. I know how anxious you can be now that your innocence is shattered. I also know that peace that can calm the most anxious heart. Keep giving this baby to Him, its the only way to stay sane :) I'll be praying for a healthy little blessing for you.
Carla

Alan and Jen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alan and Jen said...

May the Lord carry you tommorrow in his strong arms and bless your little baby. Thank you for your writing, your story is an inspiration to me.

Alan and Jen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melody said...

I'm praying for you today!

I pray you will have a peace that passes all understanding (though we Christians do understand- it is 100% HIM). Enjoy seeing your little one on that ultrasound screen, and smile and delight in the moment God has given you.

Anonymous said...

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Tabi said...

Today is the day! I am keeping you and your family in my prayers! I pray you have complete peace about today.

Sunshine Eyes said...

praying right now - for peace, for health, for vision to see all that God has in store. Thanks for allowing us to share each of these mile markers with you, Boothe.

Debbie said...

Praying for you today. Hope the ultrasound is all good news and provides even more peace and security.

Marlina said...

So happy for you! That's wonderful news!! Congratulations, I hope now you can just really enjoy this pregnancy without worrying too much! (Although we all do that all the way through!) :)

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