Friday, August 14, 2009

and thus, until we meet again...

If you are reading this, you ought to be handed some sort of medal. Upon it would be inscribed: 'faithful reader of a not-so-faithful writer' or something to that effect. While for months my thoughts and hopes and fears were traceable here, on this blog, I find that now, in a new season, with so much more on my mind than what once was, it seems fitting to depart from this place and to embark on a new journey. As a member of a group of people who have committed hours of their lives to walking through the last couple of years with me, I hope that somehow the fondness that swells my heart for you will permeate that glowing computer screen and you will know what your prayers, words of encouragement and consistent companionship - even if alongside me via my incessant online ramblings - have meant to me. Were it not for you, I am confident I would not be where I am today.

As I consider what might have brought you here for the first time, I'm aware that many have their own seeds of sorrow to sow. Many have yet to sow them. And it would be naive on my part to believe my own grief is entirely gone; indeed, though the wound has healed, a scar remains, and sometimes, in the most unexpected moments, it will seem to spring back to life with a pain so acute I cannot do anything but pray it away. But I want to encourage those of you who are walking a road similar to my own: fear not. You will smile again. You will feel again, in the way you once did, without the struggle to breathe mixed in. You will laugh and sing and know victory, if you will ask for those things. Ask for them, and receive them, for surely if you will only ask, you will find your cup filled over. Don't compare your story with anyone else's, for in the comparing there is the promise of bitterness or guilt. Stand perfectly still if you must, looking neither backward or forward, and simply believe that you can make it through the day - or the next five minutes.

I pray if you do look at me, or where I am, or rather, where God has brought me, you can be filled with hope because I have been given "bouquets of roses instead of ashes, [a message] of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit" (Isaiah 61:3, The Message). God has exchanged my sorrow for elation, my weeping for dancing, my agony for peace. Though I hold in my arms a new baby, and what would seem a redemption for the life I lost with Copeland, in truth this peace came before she did, and I recognize that God often first gives us what we do not know we need before He gives us the things we long for. For we "do not know the thoughts of the Lord; we do not understand His plan" (Micah 4:12).

From now on, let this blog remain a tribute to God's faithfulness to me in the darkest days of my life. Let all who read it be blessed and encouraged, and let those who doubt the might of the Holy God be astounded at His goodness to me, a woman redeemed by the blood of the One who sees more in me than I see in myself.

I will continue blogging elsewhere, and would love for those of you who are interested to please come alongside me again. The Lord has given me a distinct passion for His Word and uncovering truth for the generations to come, particularly for my precious children who will fight a battle perhaps even fiercer than my own. It's on these topics that I hope to put down my thoughts on the next blog. I am having a sweet friend do some "maintenance" for me, and will shortly give you the web address.

Be blessed today, and everyday, as you open your hands to receive what the Father will lavish upon you. And may He grant us a thousand lifetimes in eternity with which to know one another and to rejoice in His goodness to us.

With deep love and affection,



post signature

82 comments:

Marie Evelyne Lanathoua said...

Hi Boothe, I do check often and glad I did today, your testimony "Eight Days" I share often with friends. I wish all happiness and God Bless your family.

Marie
Lake Arrwohead, Ca

Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba) said...

Boothe,

I was thinking of you recently... wondering how you were.

I definitely want to follow you over to your new blog.

I've not forgotten Copeland. I'll never forget Copeland. Thank you for sharing her with us. I'm glad I was able to give you a hug in September two years ago. I would love to be able to give you a hug again before Heaven.

Terry said...

Dear Boothe,
I also check often, but, know that your well and the family, I would love to follow you on your next blog, I will keep checking back to see if, your new blog address is up.

God Bless you and your family, you are an inspiration!

Allison and Karl said...

There are no words that adequately express my gratitude to you for this blog. Your honesty and way with words is nothing short of amazing. Although nothing can make the pain you went through seem right in your heart, please know that you have touched many lives. I found your blog in the darkest time of my life, and I have found great comfort in your words. You have found joy again, and that alone fills my heart with hope. There are tear stains on my keyboard from many mornings when I have sat at the computer and cried as I read your words. Although you are a stranger to me, you have brought relief to my pain in a way no friend could do. Thank you. You are an angel.

Lauren said...

Ahhh....Boothe. You are my first blog, and it is so good to hear from you. You are a soothing balm, and God blesses you with his voice. You say what I need to hear. I am overcome with happiness for the new season of life you have found yourself in.

Taylor said...

I don't know you, nor am I sure if I have ever commented before... but you have such a way with words that lifts me up and encourages me. You remind me of God's goodness and His desire to see me smile again.

I would love to continue to follow your blog. I lost my son, my first born, to Trisomy 13. It was the deepest pain I had ever experienced. We are currently expecting our second child... I am 37 weeks and counting the days until I hold her in my arms. While I still worry a lot about her, I can see the smiles returning and the beauty that comes from the ashes.

Thank you so much for your words.

Jess :) said...

You are still on my Blog List and that would never change. I'm just still thrilled that you'll be starting another blog! I can't wait! You just have an amazing way with words! :)

I also love the fact that I can keep up with you, Conor, and the girls on Facebook. That way I know all is well with each of you.

Thank you, again, for sharing your journey with us; for allowing us to meet Copeland; for introducing us to things that mean so much to you; and for just sharing about the Love of our Lord and Savior.

Until we meet again....

Love and Hugs :)

Amy said...

I reflect on your journey often, because it was so real and touching to me. I am glad that you are moving on, in a way, because that so clearly demonstrated God's unfailing care of us. I won't forget your precious daughter, and I'm so honored to have walked that path with you in such a tiny, tiny way, praying for you as you went. Looking forward to the new blog!

Carla said...

So glad to hear from you again but sad to hear you say goodbye. You are far too talented a writer to shut it down for good so I hope you have begun to blog about your new life of joy and hope. You are a beautiful testiment to Gods goodness and healing in the midst of pain. Your journey through grief will always be a part of who you are and looking back you will see how you have been deepened and strengthened by it. Time definatley brings a new perspective. Don't hesitate to share your new journey's in life....we are still interested. :)

shelley. said...

Your blog has been a blessing. I rejoice with your family at where God has brought you all through your pain. I am so glad that God has given beauty and joy for your ashes and sorrow. He is faithful. To every generation. I love that about God. When ever I am afraid, I remember that. He is the same faithful God.

And your writing is beautiful.

Grace at Home said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grace at Home said...

Boothe,

I've never commented but yes, I am a faithful reader. I would love to continue sharing in your life via your blog. I pray God's rich blessings for your life and your family.

Paula71 said...

Yes I think I need that award. I always come here read and pray but I never write. For that, I am sorry. God Bless you all

Jenny said...

I've been checking often to see if you've updated. I'd love to follow your next blog. Still praying... Jenny

Beth said...

Hope to follow your new blog :) This one has truly been an inspiration... more than you know :)

jennifer said...

I just wanted to thank you for all of the time you took to share Copeland's story. It has been the HUGEST blessing for me. Words cannot describe. Thank you. May God bless you.

Gramma in indy said...

Glad I checked your blog. I've followed for awhile now.

Isn't God good? He gives joy for mourning and beauty for ashes. Praise His holy name!

Jen said...

Boothe... I would love to follow you elsewhere :) Now I just have to poke around and find the link.

I have loved your writing. I have loved your heart, your faith and our God who kept you strong.

I remember those 8 days... I got more sleep than you did, but my computer stayed on, refreshed over and over, and during my nights the Lord had me pray for you. It was, truly, one of the most special times of my life. For that, I cannot thankyou enough for being so unselfish as to share Copeland with us.

Be blessed, wherever you may roam. :)

Love Being a Nonny said...

I would LOVE to follow your new blog. You have given me hope in lots of things. God bless you!

Journey Back To China said...

I love following your blog and hope to be able to continue. You are a beautiful writer and show your beautiful heart is all you say and do.

Jodi

Tina said...

Wow! Oh Wow! What an awesome post. I have been praying for your family and am elated to hear that your absence is not due to more hurting.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Michelle said...

I have you on my side bar of my blog and check in often. Thank you for sharing Copeland with us and taking us on your journey. I would love to continue with your next blog. I'll keep checking in to see if the new address is up.
Bless you Boothe!

Ashley said...

I would love to follow your new blog and feel blessed to have seen a glimpse into your lives. How thrilled I am to know that the comfort of the Lord covers those who have lost so much and allows them to smile and rejoice once again! Blessings from Texas

Deb D. said...

I have followed your blog since before Copeland was born. I hope to follow your new one. Your spiritual depth is an encouragement, challenge, and refreshment.

I have a friend who will be burying her daughter tomorrow. Though a full-grown woman herself with two babies of her own, my friend grieves in the passing of her "baby". I am sending her some of what you have written here. I, too, have had one I love leave before me (not a child of mine), and my experience agrees with yours - that there is victory, laughter, and love of life still. It is a beautiful mystery of what God can and does do. How blessed are we who have his healing spirit with us.

Thank you, Boothe, for sharing your life and the lives of your beautiful family with us. I feel toward you as a friend, though the sharing has not been reciprocal by virtue of the fact that I live rather far away and don't have a blog where you can get to know me (!) :-)

Blessings to you, and I look forward to your future writings.

Julie said...

Boothe, thank you again for sharing from your heart. I have followed your journey for a long time and am just happy to "hear" from you. I hope to follow you as you move on to your new blog for your words have always spoken to my heart...the heart of a mother who lost two children and the heart of a mother who now holds 3 in my arms.

Thank you....Julie from Indiana

ME :) said...

I am SO glad I checked today! I cannot wait to see the new blog address and continue reading your thoughts and prayers and perspective on the AMAZING God that we serve. TO say thank you for sharing this journey may sound so trite - so I have no idea how to express my gratitude for your honesty and willingness to share. You have such an amazing gift from God to share your heart and His presence there that it just pours blessing upon each person who reads them! I am SO over the top happy for you all and pray for you and your sweet family!
Sunshine
(I used to have the blog Hope-n-Grace for Sunny Days)

Connie said...

I have been blessed to read your beautiful writing and to share in your journey in a small way...I remember praying and weeping during the hours of Copeland's sweet life. Would love to follow your writing on your new blog...please do post the address. Blessings...

cv said...

Hey girl -

I know our paths don't cross much these days, but I think of you often and do check in here regularly. Your writing is inspiring to me, and I'd love to follow your new blog - whenever it's ready. Our family loves yours, and I look forward to seeing you sometime soon!

Crystal

jiñon nane' said...

I thank God for you today ~ your blog has brought me strength and reassurance more than once.Thank you for being an inspiration and following His path! :-)

Cyd said...

I too check on you every now and then to see how you are doing. I think of you and your family often. You are a gifted writer. Thanks for sharing. God Bless.

Amy said...

Wow! Yours is truly a testimony to the extravagance of the wonderful God that we serve. Thank you for walking through your dark valley with all of the adoration for the Lord and frank honesty about your thoughts and feelings that I, myself, have found to be both heart wrenching as well as encouraging. Your story has made me stop on many occasions during some seemingly mundane daily task to truly just 'take in' the gift God has given me with my two little ones. What a God we serve, that He has walked with you each step of this story, your story. Thank you for letting me 'peek in' on your journey. It was always an honor to lift you and your family up in prayer.

Shooter said...

Thanks for filling us in. Check out a website I found http://incourage.com/, it seems to fit you.

Shooter said...

Sorry, that website is http://www.incourage.me/.

Corie said...

I came to your blog from time to time and I just checked in. Its funny you wrote this as I have decided to do the same. I had a hard time deciding what to do with my blog. You explained your thoughts so well and having been praying about this for awhile...well you really took the words right out of my mouth! :) Wished I could have said my thoughts as clearly as you. Thank you for your post...it was a blessing to me.

Sarah-Jane said...

I would love to follow your new blog.
I love hearing what you have to say. I check in often and was thrilled to see your new post. It was so fitting for me to read this today on the anniversary of Joe P's death.
I am hoping for the healing to come to Gill and Allen that the Lord has given you. I know He will do this in his time.
Thanks for loving them also in their time of deep grief.
sincerely,
Sarah-Jane (Gill's sister)

Sarah said...

Boothe, I check in from time to time and so glad I did today. You were the first blog I ever read and it was through your words about Copeland and her life, that I was able to put words to my emotions about my loss. I am so thankful that you will continue to share your gift of writing, just in a different capacity. I look forward to following you on this journey.

Tiffany said...

Oh Boothe...thank you so much for this blog and for the "ending" that you have to it!! You have such a gift for words and I cannot wait to read the next series. Love ya!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Boothe, it was good to see an update today. I've posted a few times in the past, but I don't think I ever thanked you! While you were going through your journey, I was going through one of my own, while it didn't result in losing a child, it was an incredible loss to me. Your words and faith helped me personally during my darkest times. I am thankful to God that he walked with you so that you could share Copeland and your feelings with us. Through you and your insights and words I felt myself grow and develop an even closer relationship with God. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart and I praise God that you have found joy. I'm hoping that I can follow you where ever this new path leads you. Praying for many more blessing for your entire family.

Tina
Bedford, KY

Brittnie said...

SOOOO glad you're blogging again- can't wait to read more on the next blog!

Anonymous said...

Boothe,
I sit here...tears streaming down my neck as I sob and cry...the first time I have allowed myself to really cry in a very long time.

Thank you for sharing your story with the world. For revealing your darkest moments and sharing what God has done and is doing in your lives.

Know that God is using you in mighty ways for His glory... I know this ...because he used your story to help me find my way back to Him.

I will check back to see how things are going with you and your family. Keep on posting your seeds of love and inspiration from the father...it means so very much.
Thank You Boothe and God Bless you all.
d

Adalynne Dior's Divine Journey said...

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Our family lives here in Nashville. At twenty weeks gestation our daughter Adalynne was diagnosed with Trisomy 13. I think blogging might help me through this journey, that is far greater than me.

Heather said...

Your faith continues to bless and inspire! After a year and a half of struggling to process the loss of my dad, I realized God was healing me. It was then I decided to change the name of my blog from "How I'm Doing" to Butler's Blabber. Thank you for sharing your struggles,pains,joys and triumphs! You are a blessing!

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