Tuesday, June 26, 2007

day one

It's Tuesday morning. Sellers woke us up with requests for Trix cereal, something she's not normally allowed at home, but as we are staying at my parents' house (incredibly due to the fact that our house is in shambles with new hardwoods going in) she got her wish. As I write, she sits in her daddy's lap reading a large Disney sticker book. All is well.

All is well. It's a strange phrase for a day like this, a day where it feels like everything that seemed okay a couple of weeks ago - even yesterday morning - has suddenly been tipped upside down. And yet, after a good nights' sleep, a good morning cry, and Trix with my precious three year-old, all does seem well. My heart is heavy, aching, but somehow, at rest. Conor and I agreed this morning that we just don't want to live in sorrow. We can't. And I believe the fact that for now, on this hazy Tuesday morning, that we are actually smiling, cuddling and kissing, even if in between tears, is evidence that the Lord received quite a bombardment of prayers from all of you.

I don't know how often I'll update this - for those of you who've seen our other family blog, you know I'm a little behind. But something has changed in the last few days for our family. I admit I'm one of those people who enjoys planning things... be it a dinner out or a vacation or even a project around the house. Call it the Type A side of me. Knowing that we are about to walk a road with our daughter, Copeland, that could literally span a breadth of days, not weeks, months or years, it's taught me a little about how to value what 24 hours really is. Sounds trite. Sounds like something I should've grasped years ago. But like I said, there's a lot of new territory for all of us to claim and it looks like learning to live in the present and actually enjoy it is beckoning me.

Having said that, if nothing else, this blog is for prayers. Prayers of rejoicing, prayers of praise, prayers of heartache and anguish. I know what we need each day will be different, and thank the Lord that somehow He gets that. So, for today, Tuesday, this is where my heart lands:

1. Praise the Lord that we are actually doing okay today. It was incredible that in the first 12 hours after we learned the news, we felt a rest in our souls that we hadn't been permitted in five days - or perhaps refused to accept. Your e-mails and phone calls and text messages continued through the late evening and I believe your constant prayers drove out despair.

2. Pray He will continue to keep our hearts and minds guarded in Him. I've told Him several times over that I don't want to be mad, I don't want to feel like somehow this is unfair. I know feelings and truth aren't the same, so please pray that even in the moments when I get emotional, I wouldn't give in to that emotion in the sense that I let it, even for a second, convince me that God doesn't care or isn't big enough.

3. Praise the Lord that Sellers is three. Not four. Not five. Three. She's smart and funny and has an awesome personality, but when we tried to tell her that Copeland is probably going to go to heaven, she looked at us as if that was the most natural thing in the world and then wanted to know if she could get in the bath. The Lord is gracious.

4. Praise for Copeland. She's kicking, squirming around, and I know that NOW, this is part of the life I will get to share with her. We are so programmed to circle a due date and mark that as the milestone at which our child begins, our time with them kicks off. But I have her today, now, and I long somehow to know her heart as much as I can. We have no idea how long she'll live. We know God is able to give her a long, healthy full life - that these diagnoses can be made null and void with one Whisper from Him. But even if He doesn't, we know her life is already full - she's made a quite a little stand for Christ in the last week. Pray we will embrace the victories we have now with her.

I know that some of you know nothing about this chromosomal abnormality. I certainly didn't. I still don't know much. I can tell you that it's not totally rare... there are a lot of families that face this path. Pray for them. I also wanted to give you a couple of links that have been shared with me.

One, a video, perhaps originally posted on YouTube, though I'm not for certain, is the story of Matt and Ginny and their little boy Elliot. He, too, was diagnosed prenatally with trisomy-18. It's powerful...


The other, a relatively unemotional look at what this syndrome (trisomy-18 is also called Edward's syndrome) actually is.



Mary Alice said...

Boothe, I am reading your words and praying. Every time Jack goes to sit on the potty today (which will be often, as we are in full training mode), we will pray. Before his nap, we will pray. Before our meals we will pray. We will talk to God and ask him to give you, Conor, Sellers and Copeland whatever it is you need - no matter how big or how small - at that particular moment in time.

I am thankful for you, sweet sister, and your testimony to God's faithfulness. I love you!

Anonymous said...

Boothe, Conor and Sellars - we will continue to intervene for Copeland - and KNOW with assurance that His will is done in us and through us. We know not the end of this story, but we do know the end of HIS story...eternity...with the father...eternally. Boothe your words have already ministered to me, my family and thousands of others. I know you wish you weren't here, but please take pleasure today to know that God is working in YOU and through YOU for HIS glory. You are an amazing woman from an amazing family. It's our honor to walk beside you and Conor through this difficult season.

Don, and the rest of the Donahues.

Patti and Audrey Smith said...

We are praying for sweet little Copeland and peace over your family's hearts through this journey. The Lord will be with you every step of the way. Please find comfort in his presence.

Love- Ryan, Patti and Audrey Smith

simonsays said...

Boothe, thank you for allowing us, your family in Christ, to share this journey with you. You are on my mind constantly and quite honestly, I don't think I have ever prayed this much. I will be a regular reader of this blog and (selfishly) look forward to your beautiful writing. Please know that your readers will not be shocked, however, if there are days where you need to kick, scream or pound your fist into a wall in this blog community. I'm so thankful that today has been a good one and I love your attitude of cherishing each 24 hours.........Love, Julie Adkison

Polly Ringo said...

Boothe, I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family CONSTANTLY. In times of trials, I refer to Matthew 28:20 -
"Surely I am with you always." He is with you, in every moment. I pray that He will give you exactly what you need, in every one of these moments.
Love, Polly Ringo

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for your willingness to walk through this with us. We ARE here to listen, rejoice with you, cry with you, and ache with you. I have joy that you have peace today. I pray pray pray and then pray some more that you continue to have peace with our Father and each other as you mark every day. 24 hours are worth celebrating, every day. I pray that God continues to give you strength, and grace as you walk through your days. I am honored to be praying for you, Conor, Sellers and Copeland. You inspire my faith!
I'm praying!

darcycollins said...

AS many have said before me...Thank you for being so open with your heart and your story to allow us to join you on this journey. I have never been in so much prayer if even just in thoughts while driving down the road as I have been these past few days for your baby girl.
We want to be there for you guys in every way that we can if maybe only to experience more of who the God we serve really is and what His purposes are.
We love you all so much...

Wes, D'Arcy, Christian and Caroline Collins

nanci Hoffman said...

Boothe, Jan sent your blog to me, and I am so astounded at wonderful witness you and your family are!! We have been praying as a church over here in San Diego, and now to be able to read personally your thoughts is a privilege indeed. You, Conor, Sellers and Copeland are in my prayers as I go through my day....May God continue to uphold you all as the time progresses. Today the Lord gave me the words that "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." I see this message in your writing...what a testimony you all are to His mighty love...we will continue to pray!! Love, NANCI Hoffman

Paula said...

I am praying that you will feel God's presence every moment of the day, and hear Him answer you before you have to call out to Him.

You, Conor, Sellers and Copeland are being carried on the wings of all the prayers that go up to Him on your behalf. Thank you for sharing this faith walk with us all. Continuing in prayer.

In Him, our refuge and our strength.

Paula Siedlaczek