day one

It's Tuesday morning. Sellers woke us up with requests for Trix cereal, something she's not normally allowed at home, but as we are staying at my parents' house (incredibly due to the fact that our house is in shambles with new hardwoods going in) she got her wish. As I write, she sits in her daddy's lap reading a large Disney sticker book. All is well.

All is well. It's a strange phrase for a day like this, a day where it feels like everything that seemed okay a couple of weeks ago - even yesterday morning - has suddenly been tipped upside down. And yet, after a good nights' sleep, a good morning cry, and Trix with my precious three year-old, all does seem well. My heart is heavy, aching, but somehow, at rest. Conor and I agreed this morning that we just don't want to live in sorrow. We can't. And I believe the fact that for now, on this hazy Tuesday morning, that we are actually smiling, cuddling and kissing, even if in between tears, is evidence that the Lord received quite a bombardment of prayers from all of you.

I don't know how often I'll update this - for those of you who've seen our other family blog, you know I'm a little behind. But something has changed in the last few days for our family. I admit I'm one of those people who enjoys planning things... be it a dinner out or a vacation or even a project around the house. Call it the Type A side of me. Knowing that we are about to walk a road with our daughter, Copeland, that could literally span a breadth of days, not weeks, months or years, it's taught me a little about how to value what 24 hours really is. Sounds trite. Sounds like something I should've grasped years ago. But like I said, there's a lot of new territory for all of us to claim and it looks like learning to live in the present and actually enjoy it is beckoning me.

Having said that, if nothing else, this blog is for prayers. Prayers of rejoicing, prayers of praise, prayers of heartache and anguish. I know what we need each day will be different, and thank the Lord that somehow He gets that. So, for today, Tuesday, this is where my heart lands:

1. Praise the Lord that we are actually doing okay today. It was incredible that in the first 12 hours after we learned the news, we felt a rest in our souls that we hadn't been permitted in five days - or perhaps refused to accept. Your e-mails and phone calls and text messages continued through the late evening and I believe your constant prayers drove out despair.

2. Pray He will continue to keep our hearts and minds guarded in Him. I've told Him several times over that I don't want to be mad, I don't want to feel like somehow this is unfair. I know feelings and truth aren't the same, so please pray that even in the moments when I get emotional, I wouldn't give in to that emotion in the sense that I let it, even for a second, convince me that God doesn't care or isn't big enough.

3. Praise the Lord that Sellers is three. Not four. Not five. Three. She's smart and funny and has an awesome personality, but when we tried to tell her that Copeland is probably going to go to heaven, she looked at us as if that was the most natural thing in the world and then wanted to know if she could get in the bath. The Lord is gracious.

4. Praise for Copeland. She's kicking, squirming around, and I know that NOW, this is part of the life I will get to share with her. We are so programmed to circle a due date and mark that as the milestone at which our child begins, our time with them kicks off. But I have her today, now, and I long somehow to know her heart as much as I can. We have no idea how long she'll live. We know God is able to give her a long, healthy full life - that these diagnoses can be made null and void with one Whisper from Him. But even if He doesn't, we know her life is already full - she's made a quite a little stand for Christ in the last week. Pray we will embrace the victories we have now with her.


I know that some of you know nothing about this chromosomal abnormality. I certainly didn't. I still don't know much. I can tell you that it's not totally rare... there are a lot of families that face this path. Pray for them. I also wanted to give you a couple of links that have been shared with me.

One, a video, perhaps originally posted on YouTube, though I'm not for certain, is the story of Matt and Ginny and their little boy Elliot. He, too, was diagnosed prenatally with trisomy-18. It's powerful...

http://www.mommylife.net/archives/2007/05/99_days_god_use.html

The other, a relatively unemotional look at what this syndrome (trisomy-18 is also called Edward's syndrome) actually is.

www.trisomy18.org