Friday, September 7, 2007

carried to the table

As we get closer to September 18th, everything is getting harder. I still don't really know what to feel or how to try and articulate what it is like. I wish I knew how to comfort Boothe better or how to prepare Sellers for what is coming. But I can't... and again, it reminds me of God's control of our lives and situation. I want to control it, I want to make everything better, but I can't - and I am learning to live with this. Truthfully, I am so thankful for this, because it reminds me of my own immaturity and pride daily.

I am blown away by the love and prayers we are receiving - it's humbling and emotional for me. Thank you for honoring my family. Today my mom told me that my Uncle George's cancer is getting worse; he lives in Omaha and is an amazing man of God. He is a pastor and his wife (my aunt) has faithfully served the Lord in Young Life for many years. I bring this up because it offers me so much perspective. I don't know really what to say, other than to ask you to lift him up as you have lifted us up. He is a father and husband who loves his family like I love mine, and he is trying to lead his family through his own trial.

God has used Oswald Chambers' daily devotional book "My Utmost For His Highest" a lot during this journey. On July 28th, Mr. Chambers talks about how the process is God's end. My selfish brain has a hard time understanding that there is no prize at the end of this trial. God's true purpose is that we would turn to him during the process. That is His one and only end: that He would be glorified. I didn't necessarily like hearing that at first, but I needed it so badly and I am thankful for it. I am sure Uncle George would see it the same way.

I have the privilege of working with amazing Christian musicians. About two years ago, I was able to make a record with a bunch of very young and very godly kids in a band called Leeland. The last song we put on the record is called "Carried to the Table." Here is the lyric...

Wounded and forsaken,
I was shattered by the fall.
Broken and forgotten,
Feeling lost and all alone.
Summoned by the King,
Into the Master’s courts,
Lifted by the Savior,
And cradled in His arms...

I was carried to the table,
Seated where I don’t belong.
Carried to the table -
Swept away by His love.
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore...
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord.
I’m carried to the table -
The table of the Lord.

These words were written by an 18 year-old, yet they resonate with me so much... God is carrying me to the table, to a place I do not belong, to be seated at His side and called His own. I know Copeland will be carried to the table as well - she will be at my Master's side. She will be made whole and complete. God is capable of healing her on this side of heaven, and that is my prayer - but if He chooses not to, I will rest in the knowledge that she will not be broken as she sits beside Him. God makes all things new through His precious Son.

This time is hard - but my God is a God of hope, and a God with a perfect will. What an amazing thing that is. Thank you guys so much for all you have done to love and support us. We are anxious to meet our second daughter...

Conor

24 comments:

Nathan Luce said...

Conor,

You are an inspiration and an encouragement to me. I had somewhat believed that you had it together regarding Boothe and Sellers; that you knew exactly what to do and how to move forward. I then kind of assumed that I'd have the answers, too, as time moved forward. Thank you for this honest reminder that control is totally beyond me.

I also was touched by this: "My selfish brain has a hard time understanding that there is no prize at the end of this trial." This statement tends to be more discouraging than encouraging until I read on and am reminded that's God's work is His glory. Thank you so much for sharing this!

I will continue praying for you and your family often throughout each. You are a great man.

Anonymous said...

Conor,
I am praying for you and Boothe as you go through the next few weeks and meet Copeland face to face. You are so right that all of this is to be used for God's glory. Sometimes, in the midst of our heartbreak, we forget that. Thank you for reminding me today.

Mandy
GA
www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com

bob farnsworth said...

Hello Sweet Boothe,

I sent another note. I don't think it got there. If I see this one show up, I will re-write the other one.

I am praying for you.
I thank you for your encouragment.

bob f.

bob farnsworth said...

Precious Boothe,

Brandy Blanton told me about your blog, so I will be among your fans, praising our Sweet Lord for the light that He shines through your wounds. How I praise Him that through your grief, He is giving you the grace to not only not hate Him, but to praise Him. From one broken servant to another, I stand with you in your brokeness, knowing that, if we faint not, He WILL use all these things in our lives in order that we might glorify Him in all things.
You are not alone in your struggle.
I was telling Brandy how I remembered you at Destin Beach when you were so tiny; such a precious, lovable, kind, sweet spirited child. To think that this many years later God would put you to this kind of test is hard to imagine. You were like a light when I saw you at the GreenHills Theater last year. You are a light. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. And you are that.
your brother in Jesus, the King,
bob farnsworth

Anonymous said...

We are standing in the gap with you. Praying with you for strength and God's peace.

Chels said...

I too CANNOT wait to meet, and kiss and hug my sweet new baby niece. And I cannot wait to kiss and hug my first sweet baby girl niece. I love you guys! You're strong. Remember all these who are lifting you up! You're not alone.

love you

Emily said...

This song has spoken to my heart in the days following Miller Grace's passing, too, and has filled me with great peace. (I think I have an entry on my blog about it, too, actually.) How neat to know you had a hand in bringing that song to bless people like me. My husband and I are praying for you here in Bowling Green and stand ready to meet any need we can for you during this current storm. Having walked a similar road in Nashville this summer, it would be our honor to lighten your load any way we can. Please know your family is lifted up morning, noon, and night. God's grace is sufficient for you. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Jessica said...

Conor and Booth,

I'm sitting here speechless not knowing what to write but wanting so badly to write something. I cried all night after reading your blog. I don't even know you yet I hurt with you. I think my tears were somewhat about grief, having experienced loss myself. But even more it was about the peace and strength that I can feel as you pour out your hearts along this journey. Know that you are being lifted up as you walk towards this unknown. He is faithful to carry you through.

Thank you for your example as you've walked this out. Through Copeland you are bringing much glory to Him.

Jessica

Anonymous said...

So many are praying for all four of you but especially for Copeland. Stand strong and believe. God still gives miracle.
I'm standing in the gap.

Anonymous said...

I am praying with you.

roland lundy said...

Conor,

Boothe, Sellers and Copeland are so priviledged to have you as the leader of their family. God has prepared you to lead your family and he will not leave you alone. Stand strong as thousands of people are praying for you.

Roland

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